i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
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