Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
