We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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