I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
