im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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