Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
