we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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