i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
