I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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