party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
being pregnant is like rehab
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
