Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
