my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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