cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
