Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
