I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
