Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
