I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
