Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Randomize
