Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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