I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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