That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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