11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
