Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
