Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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