how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
