I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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