I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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