Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Semen is not good for contacts.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
