i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
