After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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