After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
