I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
