So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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