I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
