i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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