she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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