plz talk dirty to me
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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