I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
