I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
