im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
