im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
