I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
