I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
