Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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