:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
