So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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