it hurts more in the daytime
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
