Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
