You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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