Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
