Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
